June 1, 2011 § 2 Comments

Victoria’s looking at the Insanity Workout website; I’ve been thinking about purchasing the DVDs for a while and now she’s curious. But she’s concerned: she doesn’t want rock-hard abs. I guess the term ‘rock-hard’ doesn’t fit as well on women, unless one happens to be talking about a butch lesbian in tight jeans and a biker jacket, or a female professional wrestler. Victoria, as far as I know, is neither.

Slow weekend politically, what with memorial day and all that. But I was relieved to see a lack of jingoistic nationalism on display- oh wait a minute… I’m no longer watching sports. I’m sure there were dozens of the obligatory carbon-spewing flyovers that took place over many of our publicly-funded, privately-profitable stadiums. But here in LA I didn’t notice anything- we went to see Bridesmaids on Friday night and the usher didn’t even ask us all to stand for the anthem before the movie began. Quel relief.

Funny movie, by the way, about two chicks who get very bitchy with each other, with loads of quips and references to fashion, men and relationships. I was surprised to see so many gay men in the audience.

This column has suddenly turned very gay-centric. I didn’t intend that. Hope I’m not offending anybody, whether it be members of the gay and lesbian community or my very large homophobic, anti-gay rights readership. It’s hard, trying to please everyone.

Why do we turn the names of jerks and arch-criminals into acronyms? OBL (Osama Bin Laden), KSM (Khalid Sheikh Mohammed) and now DSK (Dominique Strauss Khan). Does anyone else feel weird, when news actors say “KSM has been held for masterminding the deaths of 3,000 Americans”? Isn’t ‘KSM’ some kind of cuddly nickname, better used by his friends and neighbours? These people are not rappers. In 2011 the acronym is now reserved for mass murderers, alleged rapists and any condition affecting the genitalia or anything residing inside or near one’s asshole. Nobody ever has the F (flu), or SPD (split personality disorder) or BC (breast cancer) or RLS (restless leg syndrome which, by the way, is totally real).

Just had a salami sandwich. Not much to it: just three slices of salami between two soft, moist, thick slices of white bread. Delectable. What did people do before the Earl of Sandwich had a brainstorm? Could it be true that no one else, while carving the fatty flesh off a wild boar, ever thought to place it on a piece of recently leavened dough? Actually, cancel my previous statement- that sounds disgusting.

Victoria’s been hounding me about getting a dog. I was about to expound but then I saw the brilliant pun I’d just made. Stay tuned.

Picture:  The King Charles Cavalier, voted World’s Saddest Dog 3 years running.







§ 2 Responses to INSANITY

  • drewcmarshall says:

    We saw Bridesmaids on Memorial Day, too. I declared it was a slightly less worse way to honour military veterans than The Hangover 2.

    As for world’s saddest dog, your King Charles has competition:

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